Radiation Likely in my Future (3.0)

Boy it has been a while since I updated this blog.

Anyway, I am not about three weeks done radiation. About four weeks are left to go.

Anyway, while going for radiation I have come to meet several other cancer survivors who need prayer.

Several have gone through the trial of chemotherapy. I am so thankful I have not had to undergo chemo yet.

I have met a survivor who had lung cancer 10 years ago and has survived (that is rare I think). Now she has a tumor in another location (forgot where).

I saw one man in a hospital bed waiting for radiation. My guess is that he is terminal and taking radiation for pain relief.

I've seen several women who appear younger than myself with no hair. I presume these are going through chemotherapy and radiation.

Many are transporting themselves down and back from radiation. I am thankful for the support of my wife who accompanies me on my trips (except when she has to work).

I am doing quite well. I get tired and try to take a walk daily to counteract this. Other than that, no real issues.

Radiation Likely in my Future (2.0)

Sometimes the wheels of progress grind very rapidly.

Yesterday I had my Dr. appointment with my radiologist following my third consecutive 0.1 reading.

Today I had the pre-radiation markup session.

Radiation officially begins Tuesday March 18 at 9:30 am. After hopefully a wonderful ski day at Sugarbush Monday March 17 where I will take advantage of $17. lift tickets.

Woo-hoo. It will be done by the time my Red Sox tickets kick in.

I am a heretic 3.0. I (sort of) like the Catholic Church

I was exposed to disagreement very early on as a Christian.

I came to Christ as a freshman at Eastman School of Music in a college dorm room. Soon after I hooked up with the chapter of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship.

When I returned home, I decided to hook up with the most radical Christian church that I knew of in the Rumford area, one "Church of Good News" headed by Rev. Larry Shaw.

The problem was that my IVCF was comprised primarily of calvinist reformed type while the Church of Good News was most definitely Pentecostal.

In my Pentecostal Church I learned that the IVCF types were folks who denied the power of God and believed in greasy grace (eternal security). From my IVCF friends I learned that my Pentecostal church was into error, hyperfaith, and works salvation. All that I could figure out was that they obviously disagreed with each other.

Since then I have encountered disagreements on subjects like the second coming of Christ, baptism, whether drinking alcohol in moderation is morally evil, Christian rock, what version of the Bible is correct.. and the list goes on. I have figured out the following realities.
* There are folks who know the Bible more than I do and who are more spiritual than myself who disagree with other folks who know the Bible more than I do who are more spiritual than myself.
* There are a vast number of areas of disagreement where these folks above can disagree agree on. Therefore, the probability that an average Christian like myself can get all of these areas of disagreement correct is negligible.
* Since I am a Christian nonetheless, it is probably not a priority to God that I get all of these areas correct. Therefore I should focus on other things in my life other than areas where Christians disagree on.

I have learned that Catholics disagree with Protestants on a whole number of other issues (purgatory, Mary, the saints,..) that we agree with ourselves on. But this is what I don't understand.

I have figured out (and have learned) that the areas where us Protestants disagree with each other are (mostly) "nonessential". A "nonessential" is a point of belief where you can still have eternal life and be wrong. I furthermore have a classification of "unimportant" which is a "nonessential" point of belief that furthermore will not mess you up and cause you grief if you are wrong. To differentiate, I view the whole eternal security issue I encountered my first year as a Christian as nonessential and mostly unimportant (extremes of belief either way might become important). Hyperfaith might be nonessential, but it is important. You could die if you don't call a doctor when you have a heart attack, believing instead that God will heal you.

Here is what I don't understand though. Why are the disagreements between us Protestants on issues that are mostly nonessential and unimportant, while disagreements with the Catholics all of a sudden are essential and important. If a Catholic asks the Virgin Mary to pray to the Lord for prayer request 'A', why would being wrong on this point deny the Catholic eternal life particularly when possibly being wrong on the second coming holds no eternal consequences to me. I am not even convinced this issue is all that important, particularly if you believe (as I do) that prayers that go to God the Father through the saints are just routed to the Father directly.

All of the literature that I have seen from Protestants that expose the evil of Catholicism seem to have the underlying assumption that all of these issues are "essential". But I have yet to read a logical explanation of why this is the case while at the same time our disagreements are "nonessential".

(Actually I have read one source that claimed that "faith alone" is an essential, and that Catholics by disagreeing with "faith alone" are a non-Christian sect. Now if you are talking about "faith alone" as in how you initially come to Christ, I agree that one becomes a Christian on the basis of faith in Jesus Christ, not on the basis of "how good I am". The Bible is clear on this. But I think Catholics agree with this also. Therefore, it seems to me that "faith alone" really deals with how faith and works relate to each other after one becomes a Christian. If this is the point of disagreement (and I think it is), Protestants disagree with each other on how they work together (see Lordship salvation controversy); thus I fail to see whereas this is essential.

Most other sources I have read like Chick tracts just seem to assume that the pope is the AntiChrist and the Catholic church is the whore of Babylon..or is it the other way around.)

Until I read something that clearly and convincingly makes this case, I guess I will remain a Protestant heretic and continue to view these disagreements as "nonessential" and (mostly) "unimportant".

Pray for Lifeline and her husband Rob

On the prostate cancer forum I occasionally read posts from people that just make me bawl.

One such person is a woman who goes by the name of screen name of "lifeline". She has a husband "Rob" (not me) with very advanced prostate cancer. When I read her posts I just don't know what to say. It just makes me bawl.

Lord please touch Lifeline and her husband Rob. Surround them with your love and comfort. Please.

My Heros

There are a couple of forums that I follow. One baseball (for the Red Sox), a couple Christian, and one a support forum for prostate cancer survivors.

On the prostate cancer forum, I have been priviliged to meet two guys that I consider my heros. They both have web sites at Caring Bridge.

The first is Tony Crispino. Tony (or TC-LasVegas) joined the forum a little after me and had post-op statistics a little more serious than myself (one higher gleason grade..somewhat more advanced out of the prostate (stage T-3B) than mine. He has had radiation therapy and is undergoing hormone therapy. His psa now is undetectable, and I pray that it stays this way.

He is such an encouragement to everyone on the forum. Always, always positive. He has recently taken over a volunteer moderator position on the forum. His mother has just passed away from cancer. She is in a better place. Pray for comfort for Tony.

The second is Walter Whited. Walter (or War-Eagle) has more advanced prostate cancer. He has been the hormone therapy route and now I think is (or will be starting) chemo.

Walter is also such an encouragement to everyone on the forum. Never complaining about himself, his concern is for the others there.

Both Walter and Tony are definite Christians. Tony is Catholic. I am not sure what Walter is (maybe Baptist but I dunno). It don't matter. Funny thing when a bunch of guys are all fighting a serious disease, we could give two hoots about the name on the outside of the church door.

There are other guys on Healing Well that are also my heros, but just want a special tribute to these two.

Vermont Primary Comes and Goes

Well our little Vermont primary that nobody cares about (actually this year they did care a little about) has come and gone. I proudly walked into the Sheldon school and gave Ron Paul some love. I flirted with Mike Huckabee, but in the end I decided to vote my consistent pro-life convictions (which means a very conservative approach to war..I like the Catholic notion of a "just war").

As far as the general election goes, here is where I am at.

If the Dem. nominee is Hillary, I will vote against her with every ounce of strength that I have. That means a no-brainer vote for McCain. I consider the family Clinton and the family Soprano moral equivalents.

If the Dem. nominee is Obama, I will probably wait until close to election day to decide. The only way I could vote for Obama is if I conclude that killing soldiers is a much higher moral issue than killing babies (which is very much doubtful but I put it out there as a possibility).

However, my conscience against killing soldiers might prohibit me from voting for McCain. So that would mean the possibility of an alternative party.

So the factors that I will think about until November are:
* Between now and November, have I found a good reason for voting against Obama.
* Is there an alternative candidate out there that I really like. In other words, has either the Libertarian or Constitution party nominated someone half-way serious instead of a bozo (Ron Paul as a Libertarian would be great).
* How do I view the current status in Iraq. There is no doubt (to me anyway) that this was a blunder of the first degree. However now that we are there, is it (a) a hopeless quagmire (b) a winnable conflict that we are very close to winning (remember even though it was a mistake imho, it does not mean that once we are in the war I am not pulling for success..it is not as though we are on the side of moral evil there..contrary to what the left believes). I go back and forth between the two views.

The Gift of Knowing Your Eternal Destiny

I admit it. I'm a wimp.

Almost two years ago, I was facing a prostate cancer biopsy. My urologist told me it would be nothing to worry about..it just felt like rubber band snaps against the prostate..and that I would do fine without a local.

However, twelve needles being injected into my prostate hardly seemed to be a transparent procedure. The night before my biopsy I was up all night reading and researching the procedure over the internet. I convinced myself I was going to die in agony from this procedure.

The next day I walked into the doctor's office and asked for lidocaine. When I was told that this urologist did not offer it, much to the dismay of my wife, I walked out.

I ended up getting a second opinion from a doctor who did offer lidocaine. Come to find out that with the local, the procedure was not all that terrible..the worst part was the instrument up the anus (I feel sorry for urologists having to deal with people's butts all day for a living..yuck).

Now having prostate cancer, particularly the type that escaped the prostate bounds (fortunately hopefully still locally) I have found myself reflecting on death and dying. Now I know my prognosis is good, but even if I am cured of cancer, all this cure represents is a delay of the inevitable for 10-40 years or so.

I am convinced that the biggest blessing one can have this side of the grave is the gift of knowing your eternal destiny. This knowledge makes all of the difference even when thinking about the prospect of death.

Now on a scale of 1-10, I have been a reasonably well-behaved person. I don't have a prison record, I support my family, and I don't lose my temper all that easily. So in a scale of "goodness" I might have some optimism I might be in the top 50% (but maybe the middle 33%).

But gosh, I would hate to have my confidence in my eternal destiny based on how well behaved I have or have not been. For starters, I live with myself and I know how I fall short. How good would I have to be anyway to have eternal life? Certainly I have not been as good as Mother Theresa or Billy Graham or many of the saints of the ages. And when I compare my life with the one perfect life that has been lived on earth, I certainly fall far short.

Now I can turn to the Bible and promises found within it. For example John 3:16 says "that whosoever believes on Him should not perish but have everlasting life". Now this is better because it indicates that my eternal destiny is not based on how well I behave but somehow based on "believing on Him." So I am set free from worrying about somehow being good enough for eternal life.

But how do I know that I am believing on Him? What if I think and profess that I am believing on Him but really am not? After all, didn't Jesus say that many will say to Him "Lord, Lord.." but He will respond "Depart from me I never knew you". Were these folks believing on him? Or more accurately, did these folks think they were believing on Him only to find out (too late) they really were not. What if I think that I have faith but really do not.

So then I can look back on my life and reflect on how I came to start believing. I can remember that dorm room at Eastman School of Music when I prayed with another student to ask Jesus Christ into life and transform my life. And I can look upon the events that transpired shortly after this point as evidence that yest indeed my life was transformed.

But that was then and this is now. How do I know this event is still valid today. Certainly I have not renounced what Jesus did in my life that day. But could I somehow drifted away from it as the writer of Hebrews warns us about. Now maybe I could put stock in the theology that it is impossible for a genuine Christian to lose his salvation. But what if this theology is wrong (a good number of Christians don't buy into it). Is basing ones assurance of salvation on a particular theology, particularly one that is not universally agreed upon, a good idea.

What I need is more of an assurance of my eternal destiny than one that is based on (1) how "good" I am, (2) head knowledge of Biblical promises, (3) a certain theology, or (4) a historical event. I have become convinced that the best assurance I can have of knowing my eternal destiny is one that God pours into my soul. This is a gift that God gives.

Then I can reflect on what God has done in my life including how it all began and praise Him because His presence is still real in my life and He is with me today. As important as the starting point is, I think the finishing point is even more important, and Jesus is real today.

Then I can look in the Bible and see the promises of God and praise God that He is faithful because He is with me today.

As far as how good I may or may not be..who cares. That is not the point.

As cancer has forced me to reflect more upon my life and eventual death, God has been giving this gift to me and I thank Him for it.